Saturday, November 08, 2008

upgrade problems :)

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up quite a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs, and launches during the system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications like Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5, and Monday Night Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I am thinking of going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not seem to work on this program. Can you help me PLEASE!?!?

Thanks, Joe

Dear Joe,

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely utilities and entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run everything. It is very unlikely that you will be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within the system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained other than small change of scenery. It is impossible to purge, delete, or un-install the program files from the system once they are installed. You can not go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have gone as far as installing Girlfriend 8.0 in a hidden subdirectory, or tried installing Wife 2.0, but end up with more problems than the original system had. Detection of Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 can result in Wife 1.0 creating general protection faults such as “Warning- Cannot find Alimony or Child Support files, or files are out of date.” Because Wife 1.0’s directories and sub-directories are almost impossible to understand or modify, some over-rides have been installed to assist you in (at least) making Wife 1.0 a livable experience.

I recommend that you attempt the following at the onset of ANY problems that you might have. After any system crash, Wife 1.0 WILL give you an opportunity to fix the problem yourself (although you might not see the opportunity, it IS there, you just have to look for it). At the C prompt enter the following:


Generally this should work, unless you have truly created a massive error. In any case, avoid hitting the “Esc” key at all costs! There are also add-ons that you can install to assist you in your efforts. Try buying a copy of Flowers 4.1 or Chocolates 5.5, or both for really big errors. Do not, under ANY circumstances install Secretary v38.24.36 with short skirt upgrade! This is not a supported application for any of the Wife OR Girlfriend series programs, and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the system.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Silk Dress 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0 

Best of Luck, Tech Support


  1. LOL! i really enjoyed reading this, thanks!

  2. haha..'intelligent joke' should i say?

    yeah! wife 1.0 IS a great program. no doubt.

  3. yap, this one is pretty funny and 'intelligent' at the same time.


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