Saturday, May 05, 2007

this is no fun

damn i'm so fucking bored out of my brain. the day after tomorrow; golden week holiday ends and i'm going to be on my ordinary routine of classes and bullshit. not that it matters to anyone, but i just feels like i could have done much more during my free time.

every time i'm busy, i always think about all the fun things that i could do when i'm free but in reality, whenever i'm free, i'm usually bored to death and i tend to waste my precious free time doing nothing other than being bored to the bone. feels like i'm doing the same thing every day, busy or not. i need something to spice up my life. something that i could look forward to every time i woke up in the morning facing the sun.

the problem is, i don't know what i want. i don't understand my own needs. of course eating seafood pizza from pizza hut is nice. being able to kill 10 people in one life in battlefield 2 is nice. walking alone in the university's cafeteria and suddenly bumping into a very pretty girl is nice. as long as i could see her 絶対境域, i'm quite happy even though she doesn't even noticed my puny existence.

but that's not the kind of 'nice' i'm trying to find here. i want to feel alive. like when i was practicing for the dikir barat competition and i was the worst guy in the group, got scolded harshly by my seniors and i worked hard to be on the same level as my seniors and when the melody, timing and tune of the frame drum and rebana clicked and stuck in my head; it is not about the competition anymore, it's about doing your best with your buddies no matter what people say. budok skoloh hilir, mano buleh dikir. fuck that, i felt ALIVE ! adrenaline was in my hot blood, rushing through my veins like a freight train. trying hard to be my best, that emotion felt good. how can i be like that again? be working hard. be so focused and enthusiastic.

i need a goal. something to chase. a meaning in living this life bestowed upon me.

i can only hope.

7 comments:

  1. apa kata gi ngorat budak perempuan tersebut.... cabaran woo

    ReplyDelete
  2. well that is a superb idea, but unfortunately i'm not quite ready yet to make a move on an adult women. i'm still waiting for a 'sign'....

    ReplyDelete
  3. maybe this boredom is the sign?

    ReplyDelete
  4. andraline rush! gi ar sport.. kuarkan peluh.. badan cergas otak cerdas.. :))

    p/s: kem salam tepok montot kat awek2 jepon yang cute2 :P

    ReplyDelete
  5. yap i started dieting and i run everyday. memang otak rasa cergas sket hoho.

    * apa maksud 'tepok' ?

    to ophy: you're a genius! i guess i'm going to join the english conversation circle so that i could meet new people !

    ReplyDelete
  6. to korn:
    oo baru aku faham. great idea! i could try that someday, and said that it was just a malaysian way of saying hello! i always got away when i use the *it's a malaysian thing* bullshit.

    lagipon awek2 jepon sporting woo.....

    ReplyDelete

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