snowboarding is pain

I woke up this morning feeling excruciating pain all over my body. Each time I made a simple movement, it hurts. Every time I tried to lift up my arms, it hurts. A small lump of pain appeared of the left side of my throat and my shoulders are stiff as a board.

But I’m not going to talk about today. I’m going to talk about what I did yesterday.

Yesterday, I went snowboarding with pojik and zarul. The last time I snowboard is one year ago, so I have to be mentally prepared to fall a lot because I know I’m not going to remember what I have learnt before about snowboarding during my previous attempts at it. And fall, I did. A lot. And I guess although my mental side is ready, the physical side of me is not.

I snowboard like only 2-3 times a year so there is no way that I’m going to be good at it.

I sucked! Of course the main reason of this is because I don’t snowboard that much to obtain the required skills to be called ‘good at it’, but until now, I didn’t realize that I was THIS bad. If my memories were clear as the blue sky at the Juenese Ski Park yesterday, I thought I didn’t suck. Far from good of course, but definitely not on the level of suck; that was my previous assumption about my own snowboarding skills. Oh how wrong I was.

Getting your body slammed several times to the ground at high speed is painful enough, but nothing can be compared to when getting your dick squeezed between you body and a slump of hard snow, at high speed with full momentum from the fall.

I was so unfortunate yesterday. I was speeding on a steep slope. Feeling the cold breeze at this speed is fun and awesome! Then after realizing that if I don’t slow down, I’m going to lose control and hit a deer or something, I tried to do a cool, fast break; like the pros do it on tv. I forgot. I still suck at the sport. Lost balance and I got my body slammed to the ground very hard. And by some divine magic, during those crucial milliseconds of my mishap, I have succeeded to get my dick placed right on top of a slump of hard snow; and I let the momentum and speed of my body to slam my poor wang. Or shlong. Or weiner. Or pecker. Or knob. Or rod. Or shaft. Or phallus. Let’s just called it a male genitalia ok?

I must say. It was fucking painful. Damn!

I want to put my hand into my pants to make sure that everything is attached but I can’t really move because it was painful. So I just sit there, rubbing my little brother from the outside of my pants. I looked up and there comes a girl skiing down, staring at a foreigner who was rubbing his crotch like crazy. No matter how much you stare, you won’t understand the pain o little girl!

Then a sudden fear comes into play. What if it was squashed during impact? What if it was bleeding? I don’t want to have to say to my future wife this: before I ask to marry you, I have a secret to tell --> my dick is squashed and looks like a flatten banana balloon because I slammed it onto a slump of hard snow.

So I have to check whether the smaller (not the best word to describe it) part of me is functional and 100% OK. During these times of emergency, I wish I had a catalogue of women’s lingerie with pretty models in it to help me. Unfortunately, I don’t have those so I have to use my imagination. I used my extraordinary imagination to visualize all sorts of things that could turn that little guy into HULK, but all was in vain.

I was really freaking out; and then I remembered the time when I was just 8 years old at school. We had an English class in the library and the teacher (a pretty chinese-kelantanese young lady) told us to draw some pictures of animals. After giving her orders, we started our assignments on the floor while the teacher returns to the observing desk. I was sitting right in front of the teacher’s desk and to my horror, or joy, the pretty teacher sits on her chair with her legs opened, not knowing that the whole class could see her crotch clearly. To top it off, she’s not wearing anything underneath those silky white skirts so I could see clearly her unshaven secondary women lips(it's not a short skirt really, just on the knee line). I called my friend and ask him what the hell am I looking at, but he just told me to shut up so I continued to draw, while being very confused. At that time, I thought she had a horrible accident during circumcision, and I was pretty shaken by that thought. Damn, I should have looked a little bit longer because it would take years and years more before I get to see that again at this close range. Shaven.

After that brief moment of my fabulous history being brought back into my world of imagination, at last I got confirmation that the little guy is beginning to get angry and could turn into a full, bigger and harder than a rock HULK the green beast. I was so relieved. So after knowing that my banana and his two coconuts are okay, I continue snowboarding until its 3 p.m.

Before leaving, I had a shrimp burger and the sweet thing about this is that when I bought the coupons, I put 500 yen into the machine and it gave me back 710 yen! I’m so lucky. Then we brave the cold waters to take wudhu and performed solat in the changing room.

On the way back home, the three of us made some pretty weird conversations and had vowed to not speak the contents of the conversations to anyone else, so it was kinda cool. Then we hit the local sushi restaurant, and I ate like 5 plates only because I was just too tired to eat more.

Got back home, and went to sleep. Then I wake up this morning feeling like a train wreck. Then I did the laundry and watched appleseed ex machine; which is awesome. Then, because I have nothing else to do, I thought it would be fun to write about what I did yesterday, so here I am finishing my thoughts about that. Until next time....

*p/s: by reading today’s post, now you know that my childhood experience kinda affected my current state of mind a little bit. Might be funny, but not a pretty thang!