i'm delusional yet i did nothing about it

i'm very scared with what's going to happen with my life if i don't study well but i do nothing about it. my life is OK almost all of time but i'm soo confused with my life right now that i don't have anything to write about, and i don't think that i'll be updating this blog as frequent as i want to. i was actually very worried of the coming university entrance examination. i was soo worried and feel sick because i don't have enough confidence and the talk about starting from my batch, the JPA will be more strict on choosing who they want to further their sponsorship makes it worse. the exams are to be held on the early July and i really should focus my time and energy on preparing for this deadly important exams but oh how i wish i was a freaking master of being able to really focus on studies and books.

it's not that i'm busy or what, i just don't have that much needed morale and motivation to study. i know if i don't further my studies, i can just stay in japan and work here but i don't want that because i still want to be a student, and don't have to deal with the worries and responsibilities of a working man. i know i sounded naive but unfortunately, that's what i'm feeling right now.

each minute i wasted on doing something that's garbage, i felt very wrong; but oh how fast the time go by, it was too late to feel bad about not doing something good with my time. i want to study on and on and don't care about the world but i have to realize that i'm not that kind of person. study and taufiq ali don't click. so what am i supposed to do?

aa who the hell i think i am. people give me money (and lots of 'em) to come here and study so that i can give something back to the people and here's me yapping about how i hate studying. get a grip of yourself taufiq. i really do, so i did some thinking while i was watching the tube last night; エンタの神様 (god of entertainment) is one of my fav shows. so i think maybe i have a solution for my problem. why don't i put a big 'present'; a reward for myself IF i pass the exams. that way i can at least put more effort to achieve my goal; that is to further my studies after i finish my college of tech this year.

so from today, i'm going to promise to reward myself these 'gifts', IF i pass the university entrance exam this coming JULY:

1. buy myself a PS3 (59800 yen, launch date is 11/11/2006)
2. buy myself a new computer with win vista and a directx10 video card
3. get me a j-pop girlfriend. you know, those crazy jap girls with their crazy fashion; but not too crazy, maybe a girl who's obsessed with mini skirts and cute hair styles would do. you know where i'm going with this one.... (this i have to put more effort, but it's not that hard, because i know i can hahahhaha, i've done it before)

so there you have it. another useless and stupid post from me. it's been a while since i last posted and i guess i won't see myself updating this blog as frequent as i used to, at least until the end of JULY. so i leave you with these funny pictures, that have nothing to do with my post today. assalamualaikum ( that's may peace be upon you in arabic yo! ain't it cool? ;p)

Saladin The Animated Series

Saladin The Animated Series is the upcoming 3D animation series funded by the malaysian goverment to publicize the Malaysia's Multimedia Super Corridor and to create and grow the pool of local talent in the animation industry and help increase their expertise to that of world-class standards.
It's a story about the famous 12th Century Kurd Muslim warrior who lead the muslims against the crusaders during the holy wars. i'm soo lazy to write so just click here for the information about SALADIN.
from the trailer, it looks like a kick ass animation to me. the target audience is kids but it's soo cool i can't wait to watch this! it was scheduled to be released late 2007 and will be distributed around the world. so this is also are going to be a malaysian entertainment industry's biggest international project that will reach costumers around the world. Malaysia Boleh !

sakura mankai

sakura mankai (桜満開) means sakura a.k.a. cheey blossom, in full bloom. i always love spring in japan. the scenery is very beautiful. the best thing about spring here is the cool weather and sakura blooming. just by looking at these magnificent creation from GOD makes you feel relaxed and happy. it really has a magical soothing effect that i can't explain. although i like it a lot, it is very unfortunate that sakura only blooms for about a week, and only just once a year; and that's why i'm super excited to see them every time spring comes.

in japan, there is a 'culture' called hanami (花見). hanami is one of the most popular events of Spring. Crowds of people - families, groups of friends, and groups from companies sit under the fully open sakura tree, usually on plastic tarps, and have a picnic celebration. The picnic fare consists of a wide variety of foods, snack foods, and sake (rice wine) or other drinks. The activities often include dancing and karaoke in addition to the sakura viewing. click here for detailed information about hanami.

so, last friday, the コミュニケーション同好会 (communication club) held a small hanami event at a park near our school. unfortunately for us, that day the sky is quite dark and it's quite cold outside but we decided to do it anyway because we don't have time to do it on a different day. we walked for about 15 mins, bringing a lot snacks and drinks along with us. because most of us are students and are under the legal age of drinking, not to forget i don't do alchohol because i'm a muslim, we drink green tea instead of sake. we took pictures, and had a nice picnic but it was soo cold that everyone agreed to go home early.

i noticed today, the sakuras in front of the dormitory started to fall off. i guess they'll be leaving us soon, but not to worry, insyaallah next year i'll be seeing them again. i hope. IF i pass the university entrance exams!!! man, i should focus on my juken benkyou (受験勉強 - examination studies).

they love their gamers

the japanese love their gamers. when i was walking around Akihabara, Tokyo,　there were lots of people gathering in front of a game store and i was just curious so i went to check it out. the huge crowd that could easily reach 50 people were watching this guy playing 太鼓の達人 (taiko no tatsujin; US title:Taiko Drum Master ). Taiko Drum Master is basically a japanese drum rhythm game where all you got to do is to hit the drum with the stick that comes with it , synchronizing with music; it's really easy to play and i enjoyed the game a lot although i suck at it. back to my main story: this guy got some very serious gaming skills; he scored perfect! he was soo into the game, he jumps around too; and you know how hardcore nerds move. there were lots of people taking pictures of this gamer (term for people who play games) using their mobile phones; he's been given the pop star treatment. after he finished playing, the crowd gave him a standing ovation (well everyone's standing so...) and cheered him.

the japanese are very cool with the gaming culture. not like the rest of the world, gaming is not strictly a kid's hobby here, it's an experiance that everyone can participate and there's nothing nerdy about it. outside japan, where gaming is still considered a kid's thing, people would probably diss this maybe in his mid-20's gamer and they probably would say " hey look at that weird asian guy nerd, he should get a life ". people don't understand, gamers need no life, they got lots if it.

naked child statue

OK. I've been living in Japan for about 3 years now and i have seen a lot of weird and crazy things here, and it's a great experiance because i love to see and learn about other people's culture and be amazed at how different humans are although we are from the same species.

but today i'm going to write about something bizzare about japan that i DON'T like. here is a picture of a statue of a naked girl that won some 'statue competition' here where i live (Tokuma, Nagano, Japan). maybe some of you art lovers would probably say this "you pervert that's nothing wrong with it, it's pure ART ". ok i must agree, this is ART and well, just like the rest of the world, i don't understand art. all that i can see is a piece of child pornography. i know it's none of my business but what really bothers me is that they put this sculpture in front of the train station, in public for everyone from little babies to dying grannies to SEE ! and just like me, these people don't understand ART, so why put such a misleading thing for everyone else to see when child-pornography is still a very serious problem in japan? things like these makes this sick social problem worse everyday. when people see these things everyday, they got used to it. when they get used to it, they can't decide wether it's wrong or right. some of you might say " awh that kind of art wont turn the japanese into child molesting fuck ups ". well guess what, child molestation is soo common in japan they only show it on tv when the molester kills it's victim(s). people should not be made to got used to child pornograpy, that will fuck their brain up.

it's a sad thing. the japanese goverment doesn't take the child pornography problem seriously. japan is a heaven for lolicon people (japanese for pedophiles) who likes manga/comic. lolicon comic books can be easily bought at convenience stores and comic book shops from around the country. shit, even 7eleven and Amazon Japan (link for examples) sold these disgusting work of ART. the law implies that as long as the materials used in making and producing it doesn't use real children, it's ok. they don't want to be soo strict and 'close minded' just for the sake of freedom of speech. i guess they want freedom of speech more than wanting to protect their own children.

in my opinion, the japanese are sexually weird if you compare them to the rest of the world. did you know that japan produces more adult videos than any other country in the world? did you know that they have a shirine in tokyo that worships penises and pussies (wikipidia link )? they are very hard to understand. in my classroom, my classmates posted posters and pictures of half naked women on the walls and the teacher doesn't give a shit about it so at i first i thought they were open about sex and idolizing (or maybe degrading?) women so one afternoon when we were just hanging around during recess time i asked them " hey how many times have you all had sex? " and then they gave me this " why the fuck did you ask the question, it's freaking taboo !??" kind of face. i guess i have so much to learn about the japanese, and i intend to learn it with an open mind and a hard face.